It is with a heavy heart that I write today. My son is facing horrendous verbal abuse and bullying at school. Now, my son is a good kid. He is respectful to others, does not make fun of other people, is kind and generous to his peers and school mates, and has never had a teacher complain that he is disrespectful in any way.
Last year the same kind of situation happened at school and after trying to walk away from a fight, he was forced to defend himself against another student. My son was punished for this. He was suspended for 3 days and then had to go to one day of “In-Focus” (in school suspension) after his return to school. He was also banned from school dances for the month and was not allowed to participate in the end of year class field trip as further punishment. Now, the school had been made aware that he was being bullied well before this and they assured me that my son would not be harassed any further by the other student. Needless to say, the school failed to do their job and this other boy continued his bullying until my son did fight back. I adamantly made clear my disagreement with my son being punished, however the school simply told me that my son should have kept “fleeing” and even went so far as to tell me that they do not condone “violence with violence”.
Again, this year we are in the same situation. My son is being called every filthy name in the book and has been physically assaulted by another boy. This boy has punched my son several times within two days- the last attack being two punches to the back while my son wasn’t looking. All of this is happening on school grounds, during school hours.
Now, my son knows how to defend himself and is not afraid to do so as a general rule, however because the school suspended him last year for defending himself, he doesn’t want to “get in trouble” again for employing one of his basic civil rights- the right of self defense. (My son has a green belt in karate and is well prepared to defend himself by the way)
The school was made aware of the first verbal and physical assaults, yet this boy continued the following day to attack again. Neither the principal nor the assistant principal even spoke with my son about this. Some other school employee spoke with my son about it. I don’t know this employee’s “official” title with the school, so I don’t even know how to address him in this post.
The boy who has been basically torturing my son was given two days of in school suspension and one day of regular suspension. Now, this isn’t going to sound eloquent, or well written in any way, but I must say it- What is up with that????
MY SON was suspended for 3 days and then had to serve more time in “in school suspension” last year (along with the other punishments listed above) for defending himself after having been provoked for WEEKS, and this kid who is really being malicious gets off with an extremely lenient punishment??!!?? The school’s code of student conduct allows for much more stringent punishment for the violations this boy has committed.
I am beyond anger. I am almost even beyond words at this point. I can’t even get a return call from the principal. I left a message for her, a very polite one, requesting a conference about this situation with her, the employee who spoke with my son, the school deputy and myself, and she will not return my call.
The school feels they can take away our children’s civil rights, yet they fail to protect them from harm, they miserably fail to protect them from bullying, and they refuse to take responsibility when they allow a situation to escalate to the point of an actual fight between students. And then they have the audacity to PUNISH the student who was forced to defend himself because THEY WOULDN’T, COULDN’T AND DIDN’T do their job??
What kind of message are they sending to our children? What kind of message are they sending to the bullies? Bullying= “slap on the wrist” Self Defense= harsh punishment
Please forgive the tone of my post, I just had to get this off my chest. I am in tears as I type these words.
This is horrible–especially what your son is dealing with. You need to tell the principal you are going to have to go above them to the board of education if they will not do something. You could also threaten to write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper about it. Bullying in schools should not be tolerated. Try to get a little tougher with the principal. I’ll be praying for you and your son.
Gina
Dear Leslee,
You didn’t say where you are from, but I’m assuming you must be somewhere in America?
I am an American teacher living and teaching in the Middle East. I was extremely disturbed to read your post about this.
You said the school was informed, but was that verbally, or in writing? If it was in writing, then I am truly shocked about this. I think you need to IMMEDIATELY start keeping an incident log, and also write down as much about the previous incidents and history with the school as you can remember.
Then, if you did not put it in writing before, I suggest writing a letter to the school, SENT TO A PARTICULAR PERSON (such as the headmaster or principal) BY REGISTERED MAIL WITH RETURN RECEIPT. The letter should detail the dates (or approximate dates) of the incidents, and who was informed at the school, and that the incidents have continued without your son being protected. Then perhaps you need to say that you hope you will not be forced to take legal action against the school for not protecting your son. DO THIS BEFORE YOUR SON IS SERIOUSLY HURT AND YOU NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR NOT TAKING IT FURTHER before something happens that you can never repair.
Does some teacher or administrator have something against your son, that perhaps you don’t know about? Does some teacher or administrator have some connection with the bully or his family (or fear of that family) that is keeping them from taking correct action? These are all things to consider.
If you take no other action at present, at the very least, start keeping an incident log of what happens, who you talk to, their silly responses, etc. AND talk to as many friends/other parents at the school as possible about the situation, and maybe they can help you.
OR, I think you need to speak with an attorney about this.
Please do update here in the comments to let us know what happens with this situation.
If you are interested to see what I did about a situation at our school where a boy was harrassing a girl, please look at this post on my education blog:
http://elementaryteacher.wordpress.com/2007/11/17/one-girls-problem-stalked-since-nursery-school/
Best regards,
Eileen
Dedicated Elementary Teacher Overseas
elementaryteacher.wordpress.com
Gina & Eileen-
Thank you both for your support, kind words and prayers. I appreciate your kindness and your suggestions.
I am in the United States, and I am just beyond shocked with this entire situation. My son really is a good boy. Every teacher he has ever had always, ALWAYS said he was very respectful and kind. Never once has any teacher, or adult in general ever said otherwise. He isn’t perfect, but he does respect others.
My children were raised to respect others, and therefore are “nice” which, in this day in time isn’t considered cool, or “in”. Because of this, they have been bullied.
I can tell you ladies this- I did write a letter to the editor of our 2 local papers (Thank you for the suggestion Gina)
My son has written full details of the problems. And I have now written my details of contact with the school principal, and contacted the Superintendant of the school system here. (Thank you Eileen for the suggestion)
We live in a very small town on the East Coast of North Carolina, so if my letter to the editor of our local papers is published, I pray it will bring some kind of action against bullying in our schools.
We have had problems of this nature since my son entered the middle school, and every year I end up at the school trying to get them to do their job. I really wish I was able to file some kind of legal complaint against them because it just isn’t right.
Ladies, again, thank you so much. It makes me feel better knowing someone takes my concerns seriously. You have brightened my day. I don’t know how you found your way to my post, but Thank You for finding me!!
Lezlee
Lezlee,
My grandparents used to live in Maggie Valley and I used to visit them there in summertimes.
Eileen
I forgot to say I think the way I found my way to your blog was that you had tagged it “education” and that is a tag I am following in the tag surfer.
Best regards,
Eileen
Eileen-
I know of Maggie Valley. It’s in the western side of the state towards Ashville. I’ve never visited Maggie Valley, but hear that it’s beautiful.
Have a great day!
Lezlee
Hey, this is kayla’s friend michele from UNCG. I couldn’t help but comment on your blog because my brother went throught the same thing 2 years ago. My brother began getting harassed in middle school. My parents informed the principal and vice-principal. The guidance counserlors all knew about what was going on. The one time he got suspended my mom went into school unannounced to the vice principal and spoke to her face to face and my mom was angry! We couldn’t understand how these bullies were getting away with harassing my brother and yet when he finally defends himself, they both get suspended. What he did was he began writing in a journal every time something had happened at school. He would write down what happened, who did it, where it happened, why it might have happened, and he’d put the date on the top of the page and sign it. Luckily, it never happened again where he was being suspended and my brother is now old enough to handle his emotions and just walk away and not let it bother him but if it were to ever happen again, the journal would be presented and I don’t know how much good it would do, but I would hope that it would make the officials treat the matter more seriously. I hope this helps. I’ll be praying for this matter to come to an end. No student should fear going to school.
-Michele
P.S. kayla is an amazing person with a heart of gold. She’s so caring and full of love and so talented. She’s like a little sister to me and you should definitely be proud of the woman of God that she has become and is becoming.
Michele-
Thank you for your kindness. It means so much to me. I agree with you- NO student should have to be afraid to go to school. It’s terrible that bullying is still such a huge problem in our schools. What makes it worse is that the bullies basically get away with it, and those who must defend themselves get in trouble for doing so when the school fails to take care of it.
I’m so glad your brother is no longer having to deal with that kind of thing. For right now, it seems things are ok with my son. The other student really won’t even look at him because we did call the police in, and this boy knows that we considered pressing charges, and still have two years to do so. Everything has been documented and both the school and the police have copies.
I also thank you for your kind words about Kayla. She is a wonderful person inside and out, and I’m glad she is making such wonderful friends.
God has blessed me with two great kids!! They are such a blessing to me.
Lezlee