Grieving

In dealing with the loss of a dear friend or loved one, we experience feelings of loss, sadness, anger, disbelief, the list just goes on and on.  We are human, and when we suffer the loss of someone close to our hearts we need to understand that it’s OK to feel these things.  It’s OK to allow ourselves to grieve. 

The grieving process is a different experience for each of us.  It can be fairly short lived, or can seem to go on for such a long time.  For some of us, we are able to deal with these feelings and come to peace with our loss only to find that we endure the same grieving process at the anniversary of our loved one’s death.  Flooding forward are those same feelings of heaviness, loss, sadness and emptiness just as strong, if not stronger than they were when our loved ones passed on.  Again, it’s OK to allow yourself to feel all these emotions.  It’s OK to get them out and let them flow.  Holding it all in only causes more pain.

Yes, when someone passes away everyone tries their best to say anything possible to comfort us.  They are trying to ease our pain.  Does it work?  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  But, the main thing to remember is that these people are doing this out of kindness.  They care for you and when you hurt, they hurt.  They may not feel the same level of pain and loss you are feeling, but they do hurt for you.  I know there are times I’ve just wished I could take the pain away from someone who has suffered the loss of a loved one. 

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  We all have to work through it in our own way but you have to realize that you can not allow yourself to be pulled down to the depths of despair and pain by your sadness.  You have to trust that eventually, even if the pain doesn’t totally go away, it does get easier to deal with.  You have to trust and know that those whom we truly love and care for the most never truly leave us.  They are always with us in our hearts, our thoughts and our fondest memories.  They may even become one of our guardian angels helping to watch over and comfort us.

Those who loved us in life would never want us to suffer the pain of extended grieving.  They would want happiness, peace and comfort for us.  They would want us to honor them by remembering the good things. 

During our times of grief we can also always take our sadness to God in prayer.  He will hear you and will comfort and help you through.  He not only wants you to lay your troubles at His feet, but He commands that you do so.  You have to trust that He can and will save you from your sadness.

I leave you with a verse from the Bible:

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit

To anyone who is grieving, I am sending thoughts and prayers for strength, comfort, healing and peace.  May God wrap you in His love so your pain will be less and you can carry the fond memories of those you have lost close to your heart.

What’s it Really About?

Hello All.  I’ve not been blogging lately due to hectic schedules, picking daughter up from college & also having some kind of illness this past week.  I’m feeling much better now, and have finally finished my Christmas shopping.  Thank goodness!

Speaking of Christmas, I was talking with my daughter the other night about the meaning of Christmas.  In both of our opinions, society is losing the true meaning of Christmas.  Many people are so overly concerned about buying extravagant gifts for each other that this most precious of holidays has become more commercial that holy.  It’s almost becoming a match of “who can out-do the other” in the gift buying department.  Money is spent on gifts that sometimes aren’t even practical, and therefore dumped in a closet somewhere only to be found again several years later when spring cleaning for a garage sale or something.

I also have to mention that I often hear people say, “You know, Christmas is actually about the kids.”  I know that children really do anticipate and enjoy Christmas, but as much as people want to believe it’s all about the kids, this isn’t at all what the true meaning of Christmas is.

Christmas is the celebration and remembrance of the miracle of Christ’s birth.  The wise men brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh and yes, giving gifts is a symbol of those gifts brought to the precious baby Jesus however, I think many folks have either forgotten about (or simply don’t believe in) the symbolic meaning of gift giving and now place the most emphasis on the gifts and not honoring Christ’s birth.

In no way am I saying that buying and giving Christmas presents is wrong, because it’s not.  What I am saying is that we should take this time to really understand and honor the true meaning of Christmas.  Take this time to rejoice in and celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

In closing, I’d like to address the use of the term, “Xmas”.  This, in my opinion is yet another way people are removing Christ from Christmas.  In doing this, the holiday is no longer holy and special.  It simply becomes, as I mentioned earlier,  all about buying gifts.

Please, let’s keep Christ in Christmas.  He deserves it.

Thank You & I’m Sorry…

“Thank You!”  “I’m Sorry.” 

These are two very short, yet powerful sentences.  Each one, though very simple, carries a magnitude of weight when spoken to the deserving person.  It can mean the difference between hurt feelings and making someone feel appreciated and/or loved.

So why is it that these are words some people seldom speak?  Why is it so terribly hard to say “thank you” and “I’m sorry”?  If you time yourself, you will find it takes less than one second to say either one of them, yet the effects of these little words can last for hours or even days. 

Of course, of the two sentences, far more people find it hardest to speak the words, “I’m sorry”.  You see, saying “I’m sorry” requires one to feel something other than superiority.  It requires them to either feel sympathy for someone else’s misfortune or loss, or to feel regret over a wrong doing they have committed against another. 

Are we such a self centered society that many feel they are above saying such heart felt words?  Have we been forced to harden ourselves against the feelings required to be able to speak these words with true feeling?

Every day it seems the news is telling of another murder, another attack on a country somewhere, another suicide bombing or hostage situation.  The list could continue on and on.  Certainly these events take a toll on ones emotions to a certain extent.  It’s only natural to subconsciously build a protective barrier against having to feel sadness or empathy for the suffering caused by the numerous malicious attacks occurring throughout the world.  But at what cost?

Are we cheating ourselves from feeling real emotions?  Are we cheating our friends, family and loved ones the benefit of hearing these words when they deserve to?  If we are unable to feel sadness and regret, how can we say these simple words and really FEEL them?

If we don’t feel thankful (”Thank you”), if we don’t feel sorrow or regret (”I’m sorry”), then we are simply verbalizing, and not truly meaning what we say. 

Have we, as a society, lost the ability to feel anything towards our fellow citizens, or have we simply placed ourselves above them to the point we don’t feel they deserve to hear these two heart felt sentiments?

Things that make you go, “hmmm…”

God’s Protection for Today

With everything going on with my son being bullied at school, I feel this scripture is so fitting for him and for me.  It is fitting for anyone going through trials today.  I hope that anyone in need of strength today will find their way to this post.

Isaiah 43:2 

(New Life Version)

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass through the rivers, they will not flow over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The fire will not destroy you.

Copyright © 1969 by Christian Literature International

Know that God can and will guide you through even the roughest time.  All you have to do is lay your burdens at His feet.  Trust that He will see you through. 

This is what I must do as I meet with the school today.  I pray that God will see my son through, and I pray He will give me the strength to deal with this head on.  I pray that He will hold my tongue before I speak in anger and that He will place upon me a calmness that will allow open communication during this meeting. 

I also pray that God will open the ears of the school administrators so that they will hear what needs to be said, open their minds so they will understand the magnitude of bullying in our schools, and open ALL of our eyes so that we might be able to see a way to resolution.

Words spoken in anger only serve to close that channel of communication and will push us back instead of moving us forward to a solution. 

Bullying in School

It is with a heavy heart that I write today.  My son is facing horrendous verbal abuse and bullying at school.  Now, my son is a good kid.  He is respectful to others, does not make fun of other people, is kind and generous to his peers and school mates, and has never had a teacher complain that he is disrespectful in any way.

Last year the same kind of situation happened at school and after trying to walk away from a fight, he was forced to defend himself against another student.  My son was punished for this.  He was suspended for 3 days and then had to go to one day of “In-Focus” (in school suspension) after his return to school.  He was also banned from school dances for the month and was not allowed to participate in the end of year class field trip as further punishment.  Now, the school had been made aware that he was being bullied well before this and they assured me that my son would not be harassed any further by the other student.  Needless to say, the school failed to do their job and this other boy continued his bullying until my son did fight back.  I adamantly made clear my disagreement with my son being punished, however the school simply told me that my son should have kept “fleeing” and even went so far as to tell me that they do not condone “violence with violence”.

Again, this year we are in the same situation.  My son is being called every filthy name in the book and has been physically assaulted by another boy.  This boy has punched my son several times within two days- the last attack being two punches to the back while my son wasn’t looking.  All of this is happening on school grounds, during school hours.

Now, my son knows how to defend himself and is not afraid to do so as a general rule, however because the school suspended him last year for defending himself, he doesn’t want to “get in trouble” again for employing one of his basic civil rights- the right of self defense.  (My son has a green belt in karate and is well prepared to defend himself by the way)

The school was made aware of the first verbal and physical assaults, yet this boy continued the following day to attack again.  Neither the principal nor the assistant principal even spoke with my son about this.  Some other school employee spoke with my son about it.  I don’t know this employee’s “official” title with the school, so I don’t even know how to address him in this post.

The boy who has been basically torturing my son was given two days of in school suspension and one day of regular suspension.  Now, this isn’t going to sound eloquent, or well written in any way, but I must say it-  What is up with that????

MY SON was suspended for 3 days and then had to serve more time in “in school suspension” last year (along with the other punishments listed above) for defending himself after having been provoked for WEEKS, and this kid who is really being malicious gets off with an extremely lenient punishment??!!??  The school’s code of student conduct allows for much more stringent punishment for the violations this boy has committed.

I am beyond anger.  I am almost even beyond words at this point.  I can’t even get a return call from the principal.  I left a message for her, a very polite one, requesting a conference about this situation with her, the employee who spoke with my son, the school deputy and myself, and she will not return my call.

The school feels they can take away our children’s civil rights, yet they fail to protect them from harm, they miserably fail to protect them from bullying, and they refuse to take responsibility when they allow a situation to escalate to the point of an actual fight between students.  And then they have the audacity to PUNISH the student who was forced to defend himself because THEY WOULDN’T, COULDN’T AND DIDN’T do their job??

What kind of message are they sending to our children?  What kind of message are they sending to the bullies?  Bullying= “slap on the wrist”  Self Defense= harsh punishment 

Please forgive the tone of my post, I just had to get this off my chest.  I am in tears as I type these words.

Things to Remember

This was sent to me by a friend, and I wanted to pass it along.  Try and remember these things especially when you are having a rough day……enjoy!

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10 When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

11 Always remember the compliments you received.  Forget about the rude remarks.

 

Happiness keeps You Sweet,

Trials keep You Strong,

Sorrows keep You Human,

Failures keeps You Humble,

Success keeps You Glowing,

But Only

God keeps You Going

Have a wonderful day!

Time Flies

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, my daughter was home from college and my household was “back to normal” because all of us were together as a family.  I mentioned this in a previous post.  My house was back in order and it was such a blessing for me.

It was wonderful to have the past few days with the four of us doing what we do best- being a family.  I was able to see my daughter and son spend time together, was able to go to sleep knowing for a fact that we were all safe and healthy, and most of all, enjoy family dinner and movies together.  Wow- could I be more happy?

Having said these things, I also have to add that during the past few days, I was able to see and experience just how fast time flies.  The 4 days having my family together under one roof seemed to have sped by in the blink of an eye!  It went so quickly.  I know 4 days isn’t a long time to begin with, but in all honesty, this past four days seems more like it was only 24 hours now that darling daughter is heading back to campus.

Both my daughter and son are teenagers, but it seems like just yesterday that I was holding them in my arms after having just given birth.  Counting 10 fingers and toes, smelling that wonderful baby smell, looking into those wide, innocent eyes and just wondering what life held for them.  That was 18 years ago for darling daughter, and 13 years ago for handsome son.  That’s a long time, but where has all that time gone so quickly??  I just don’t know, but I am so thankful for each and every moment. 

I guess my point in all this is to remember to be thankful for the blessing of every moment God gives you.  Don’t take any of it for granted, because there is no way to get those moments back.  You can enjoy the memories, the pictures, the home movies, but you can’t actually go back in time and relive any of it.  Take advantage of the joys of living.  Savor every precious day and make the most of it. 

Road Rage

Okay- I am going to just say it…I am one of those people who get road rage.  My family knows it, and now you do too.  Now I don’t just get road rage driving in my car.  I get road rage walking through the aisles of Walmart, the grocery store, the mall- you name it.  Seriously.  I have little to no patience for people who just kind of meander along without even thinking about the people around them who need to get where they are going. 

Is my time more valuable or precious than theirs?  No, but in turn, their time is no more valuable or precious than mine.  So why is it that so many of us have issues with road rage?  What exactly is it that causes us to snap when we are being held up by those in front of us?  Is it because we feel we are being “wronged” in some way?  Because we feel we are being ignored?  Or, is it simply because life is so rushed these days that each of us is so exhausted with all the hub-bub that we are basically moving around our world hanging on by the perverbial thread? 

Maybe it’s the lack of consideration we feel that the “holder uppers” have for those around them.

OR- is it that we might be, in some way, jealous that the “holder uppers” DON’T feel rushed by life’s pace, and therefore are able to stop and smell the roses? 

Things that make you go, “hmmm…”

A Mother’s Love

Having our daughter home from college for the Thanksgiving holiday, and also dealing with a situation where my son is being bullied, physically & verbally assaulted at school has really brought me to thinking about a mother’s love.  Weighing on my mind is what a mother will do for her child when a situation is causing pain or suffering for that precious life she carried in her womb and gave birth to, as well as the elation a mother feels when her child is safe, happy and healthy.

When something happens that causes my daughter or son to be hurt, it breaks my heart too.  If they are sick, I pray that God will take it away from them and make me be to one who is sick.  If someone is hurting them, it feels as though someone has jabbed a dagger through my heart down to my very core.  I want to make that pain go away.  I want to take care of the situation and protect them, even though I know in my heart that these trials and tribulations are part of what help my children to learn strength.  There are some things I can and do fix for them, but there are other things that they have to work through on their own, so I do my best to let them both know that I love and care for them.  I make sure they know I am here for them if they need me.  If they falter, I am there to pick them up, brush them off and get them back on track.

In thinking of the unconditional and undying love I have for my children, I had to remember that God’s love is even stronger than what I, as a human being, am capable of.  His love is infinite!  

We are God’s children.  If we are hurting, He hurts.  If we are happy, He rejoices.  If we falter along the way, God picks us up, brushes us off and gets us back on track.  If we falter to the point where we can’t carry ourselves, He is there to carry us until we are strong enough to get back on our own feet.  He has set the example of what real love is.  It’s wonderful to know that kind of love is available to us if we choose to accept Him. 

As much as parents sacrifice for their children, just think of the sacrifice Jesus made so very long ago.  He took on the sins of the entire world.  He was subjected to humiliation, verbal assault, and being beaten to the point where He was unrecognizable.  Then, hanging on that cross, He asked God to “forgive them for they know not what they do”.  With that, He died for us.  He made the ultimate sacrifice. 

A mother’s love is a wonderful gift, but God’s love- the ultimate!

Thanksgiving & Thankfulness

At Thanksgiving dinner, it is a custom in many families to have each person at the table tell what they are thankful for.  Although this has never been a custom in my family, I have always taken the time to think about what I am most thankful for.  This year, I have decided to talk about what I am thankful for in blog form.

First and foremost, I am thankful that God is my personal Lord and Saviour.  His love is all encompassing, and I am so very thankful that He died on the cross so that each and every one of us can have the opportunity to come to know and accept Him as our Lord and Saviour. 

I am also thankful that my family will all be together for this day as well.  My daughter is home safely from college and it’s so nice to have my household “back to normal”.  We miss her so much.  The dogs were even excited to see her walk through that door!  Her brother has been counting down the days, and he is on cloud nine being able to spend time with her.

Last, but not least, I am so thankful for the miracle of each sunrise and sunset that God blesses me with.  Each morning that I wake is a miracle, every breath I take, every step I take- all of it are simply miracles from God that I am truly thankful for.

I know this isn’t one of those deep, eloquent blogs, but it is from my heart.  Please, take just a moment to thank God.  He deserves it.